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  • Piumetta_Novella
  • 24/08/13 - 12:28 pm
  • Perdono

Certe letture non sono per tutti e questa fic di sicuro non è alla portata di lettori di ogni età, anche se non credo che si tratti solo di età... ma anche di comprendere ciò che si legge e avere la capacità di assimilarne qualcosa invece di rimanere alla schiuma delle cose, alla superficie.

Come premesso, la fic è stata scritta per un compito di punteggiatura in cui si poteva utilizzare soltanto il punto (cosa piuttosto ardua) e il risultato finale e lo stile impiegati in questa fanfiction a me sono piaciuti e li ho trovati plausibili.

L'autrice voleva trasmettere sofferenza, un'agonia cadenzata da quei punti o da alcune frasi in cui è, all'opposto, difficile prendere fiato, scelta che presumo sia voluta.

Andando al cuore della storia, al suo contenuto al di là della forma, l'immagine che mi ha evocato questa fiction è il battito lento e solenne del cuore di Severus, al ritmo coi suoi pensieri e, a volte, quando quest'ultimi vengono lambiti dalle fiamme del suo Inferno personale, quando il dolore si intensifica, subisce un accelerazione violenta, dolorosa e quasi insopportabile. Mente e cuore si scontrano, si dividono e a volte si uniscono.

Le immagini evocate dalle parole ben scelte dall'autrice sono immediate e i riferimenti ad HP altrettanto facili da cogliere.

La storia mi è piaciuta perchè è densa di tantissimi significati, di emozioni calde e fredde che si alternano vicendevolmente, ed è palese che chi l'ha scritta sa scrivere, sa giocare con le parole e conosce molto bene Severus.

Mi complimento con l'autrice, quindi, e la mia recensione vuole essere un apprezzamento per qualcosa che mi è piaciuto (per quel che riguarda il soggettivo gusto personale  mi permetto di esprimere un parere con la dovuta gentilezza ed educazione, e mi sembra il minimo, perchè impiegare questo strumento per altri scopi mi sembrerebbe un gesto un pochino infantile...) e sul quale non ho consigli costruttivi da dare, ma solo da imparare.



Risposta dell'Autore:

E' piacevole trovare chi sa comprendere ciò che legge, e quindi può apprezzarlo.

"L'autrice voleva trasmettere sofferenza, un'agonia cadenzata da quei punti o da alcune frasi in cui è, all'opposto, difficile prendere fiato, scelta che presumo sia voluta."

Sì, esatto: il continuo susseguirsi dei punti, in modo ossessivo, intende trasmettere l'angoscia del personaggio; le lunghe frasi senza virgola, invece, vogliono proprio portare via il fiato al lettore per portarlo nelle stesse condizioni del persenaggio.

Ti ringrazio soprattutto per il bel complimento: "chi l'ha scritta [...] conosce molto bene Severus."

Lo conosco, sì, e soprattutto lo amo molto, davvero, e sono felice che tu abbia saputo cogliere i risvolti profondi della fic.

Ancora grazie.

  • MyStars
  • 02/08/13 - 12:57 pm
  • Perdono

Non credo che chi ha organizzato questa “lezione di punteggiatura” intendesse dire “manda al diavolo le regole di grammatica e scrivi quello che vuoi”. Forse dovevi scrivere una storia che non necessitasse di altri segni di punteggiatura, eccetto il punto. Non trasformare virgole, due punti, punto e virgola e quant’altro in punto, altrimenti mi viene naturale chiederti: perché li hanno inventati, diversi?
La tua storia non trasmette nulla, visto il modo in cui l’hai impostata. È piatta, una lista della spessa, con un breve appunto vicino al “prodotto” che devi acquistare.
Il male minore, forse, è stato proprio quello di sostituire tutti i segni di punteggiatura con il punto. Perché è molto più irritante ritrovarsi davanti frasi lunghissime, senza virgole dove dovrebbero essere inserite. A saperlo, prima di iniziare mi procuravo una bombola d’ossigeno!
Però, evidentemente, essere parte dello staff dà la possibilità di evitare di far leggere la propria storia, prima che questa venga pubblicata… peccato, tutti, staff e utenti, dovrebbero essere messi sullo stesso piano.
Detto questo, spero che la mia recensione non sparisca in quanto critica… lo troverei un gesto alquanto infantile!



Risposta dell'Autore:

La tua recensione rimarrà al suo posto; ti faccio però notare alcune cose.

- una lista della spessa - Mi sa che c'è una S di troppo.

- perché li hanno inventati, diversi? - A me quella tua virgola suona malissimo ma, si sa, le virgole molto spesso sono alquanto soggettive; possono essere distribuite con abbondanza oppure con molta parsimonia. Sta di fatto che noi moderatori evitiamo di intervenire correggendole, salvo che dalla loro mancanza e/o posizionamento errato derivi un evidente errore.

- prima che questa venga pubblicata… peccato, tutti, staff e utenti, dovrebbero essere messi sullo stesso piano. - Non capisco a cosa servano i puntini di sospensione, perché tu non lasci in sospeso proprio nulla: un due punti sarebbe stato sicuramente più appropriato nella tua frase.

- spero che la mia recensione non sparisca in quanto critica… lo troverei un gesto alquanto infantile! - Ripeto la stessa considerazione sopra esposta: i puntini di sospensione non devono essere usati quando non si lascia in sospeso la frase e tu direi che sei stata più che esplicita. Posso supporre che tu sia uno dei tanti utenti affetti da "puntinismo"?

- che non necessitasse di altri segni di punteggiatura - Personalmente trovo la frase un po' pesante e la modificherei in "che non richiedesse altri segni di punteggiatura".

- far leggere la propria storia, prima che questa venga pubblicata - L'uso di "venire" al posto dell'ausiliare "essere" nelle forme passive è sconsigliato: meglio usare "sia" e, per alleggerire la frase, togliere anche "questa", che è ridondante, ottenendo così: “far leggere la propria storia, prima che sia pubblicata".

 

Ida

  • tinax86
  • 21/08/10 - 07:15 pm
  • Cappuccino e brioche
Molto carina questa shot, anche se poco verosimile. Innanzi tutto ho sempre saputo che di ciò che fa da lupo mannaro trasformato Remus non ricorda quasi nulla, e tanto meno agisce pensando come fosse umano. Poi non so se Severus lo avrebbe riconosciuto in versione animale, e infine è alquanto strano, anche se apprezzabile, che Severus ringrazi così civilmente Remus senza qualche battuta acida delle sue. Però a parte questi appunti (e tu dirai: che palle questa!!) mi è davvero piaciuta. Brava^^
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